MCAndre

My friend Josh is an Economics major. In the course of a conversation about websites he suggested, “What if Google started charging for their services?” I’m imagine huge public outcry. There would be a drop in stock, or maybe a surge upwards; people would eventually agree to pay for the awesomely high quality service they are getting now. Google search is the best. Google Calendar is great. Google Docs has Microsoft scared silly. There may even be riots in the streets, but people would eventually settle down and pay $10 a month for Google Maps. Josh would, anyway.

That’s why the website of the day is again Google. Maybe you’ve read Scroogled, a sci-fi short story set in the rather near future about Google working for counter-terrorism. In the story, any deviation in a person’s Internet traffic is considered a sign that he is a terrorist. Google could freeze our accounts while an officer examined our trail. The Goog could also hold our Docs hostage until we ponied up. However, there are subtler ways of being evil. What if Google started offering “Pro” service plans like Yahoo? They could pull back storage space, POP3, and filters, saving them time and money. Gradually, all the new stuff (they’re rolling out Mail 2.0) would be in the pro accounts and the free ones could be left to die.

If Google choose, it could visually tear down its sponsored links and have them be the first ten results for every search. We really do depend on those PhD’s in Mountain View, California. New York. Michigan. Georgia. Colorado. Massachusetts. Hong Kong. Bangalore. Mumbai. Dublin. Milan. Tokyo. Seoul. Zurich. You get the idea. The world isn’t run by Jews, little gnomes, or the CIA. And it’s not run by Google. Yet. Instead of sounding the alarm for every Google user (200 million hits per day), I’m simply calling for the time-worn act of competing. Sometime, Google will be forced apart for being a monopoly. It shouldn’t be allowed to buy YouTube, Urchin, Feedburner, Jaiku, or Pyra (Blogger). YouTube and Pyra could have made money on their own. Urchin could have simply licensed its tracking services to other companies. Jaiku, I don’t want to talk right now. I’m rooting for Twitter anyway.

An email from the Vice President, University Relations sent to all George Mason students:

/Below is an important message concerning protecting against staff infections. This information was prepared by Dr. Gigi Abdalla of Student Health Services./

Oh no! Not staff infections!

*What is MRSA?*

MRSA is the name given to a group of bacteria that belong to the Staphylococcus aureus (SA) family of bacteria. Most Staphylococcus aureus bacteria can be treated with medicines called methicillin-type antibiotics. However, certain types of Staphylococcus aureus bacteria cannot be treated with methicillin-type antibiotics - the bacteria are resistant to these drugs. These are called Methicillin Resistant Staphylococcus Aureus (MRSA) bacteria.

The real reason we’re all screwed is that our University Relations VP has no communications skills. ZOMG, methicillin-type antibiotic resistant bacteria! In other words, the UltraStaph.

It’s estimated that one in three healthy people carry Staphyloccocus aureus bacteria on their skin, in their noses or in the back of their throats and are healthy and have no symptoms. This is known as being colonized.

Gaa, illegal alians colonizing in our noses!

*How is MRSA spread?*

A person can become colonized or infected with MRSA if the bacteria enter the body by:

* skin contact with a person carrying MRSA on their skin
* contact with surfaces and objects that have been touched or used
by someone carrying MRSA, such as door handles, razors, towels and
sheets
* contact with dust that contains skin particles carrying MRSA
* By touching an open wound or scratching damaged skin, people who
are colonized by MRSA can transfer the bacteria from their hands
into their body, leading to infection.

In other words, DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING EVER.

*How can I avoid MRSA skin infections?*

* Keeping your hands clean by washing them thoroughly; before and
after eating meals, and after using the toilet.
* Keeping cuts and scrapes clean and covered with a plaster or
dressing.
* Avoiding touching other people’s wounds or dressings.
* Avoiding sharing personal items such as towels or razors.
* Reporting any unclean toilet or bathroom facilities to the proper
authorities.
* If you use local gym, to minimize any potential risk, you should
wipe any equipment before and after use, use a barrier (such as a
clean towel or clothing) to prevent your skin touching it and
shower after your workout.

My daily wound-touching quota won’t just fill itself, ok?

*What does a staph or MRSA infection look like?*

Staph bacteria, including MRSA, can cause skin infections that may look like a pimple or boil and can be red, swollen, painful, or have pus or other drainage. More serious infections may cause pneumonia, bloodstream infections, or surgical wound infections.

Away, pimpled demon!

*

What should I do if I think I have a staph or MRSA infection?*
See your healthcare provider.

Sorry, our Department of Useful Information is closed on Fridays.

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